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.Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.Phyllis DillerHousework can't kill you, but why take a chance?Phyllis DillerCleaning house while your kids are growing up is like shovelling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.Phyllis DillerThe reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.Phyllis DillerBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.Phyllis DillerA bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.Phyllis DillerI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.Phyllis DillerMost children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.Phyllis DillerAny time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.Phyllis DillerWe spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit. Band practice starts in ten.” I said.“It won’t take that long,” she replied. I left my horn on my chair and followed her out into the hallway.Once we were in the hall, Abby looked nervous. That was absolutely out of character for her. Abby was always poised and regal. A bitch, yes, but a regal bitch all the same.“I’m just going to come right out with this, John,” she said. “I want to apologize for being a total bitch.”“Okay...” I drawled. “What brought this on?”“That’s not important,” Abby said. “Let’s just say it was hammered home to me that I was acting like a spoiled princess and given some big reasons to change my behavior. I’m starting by apologizing to people. I apologize, John. I treated you like shit because you were a freshman. There wasn’t any reason for that and I’m sorry. As a fellow band member, I should have been polite even if I didn’t like you, but I was a jerk and didn’t even know you. I’m sorry.” There were tears in her eyes by the time she got through that little.
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